The holiday season can be a time of joy, but for those facing fertility challenges, it can also be an emotionally charged time. If you’re going through fertility treatments or IVF, you may have to face some difficult conversations with family and friends. These discussions can be overwhelming – whether it’s dealing with questions, offering explanations, or setting boundaries.
In this blog, we’ll help you navigate these tough conversations during the holiday season and offer practical tips to protect your emotional well-being.
Why fertility is hard to talk about during the holidays
The holidays are often centred around family, children, and celebrations. This can make it feel like everyone’s focus is on creating memories with loved ones, which can make the emotional stress of infertility even harder.
The idea of attending family gatherings can feel daunting when you’re in the middle of fertility treatment. The pressure to answer questions can be upsetting, especially if you’re still processing your feelings or dealing with the ups and downs of fertility treatments such as IVF.
The holidays are also when people ask personal questions, often without realising the toll these can take. Even innocent inquiries like “When are you having kids?” can feel like a dagger to the heart. And for those undergoing IVF or other treatments, the weight of this process can make these situations even worse.
Recognising your emotional needs during fertility treatment
Step back and assess your emotional state before diving into conversations with family and friends. Fertility treatments such as IVF, while hopeful, are also physically and emotionally draining. It’s important to understand how you’re feeling before engaging in discussions that may trigger intense feelings. Remember, it’s okay to not be okay at times.
Take time to reflect on your emotional needs. Are you feeling overwhelmed and in need of space? Or are you ready to share your journey with a select few? Understanding where you stand emotionally will help you decide what level of detail to share and when to take a break.
Self-care should always be a priority. So take time for yourself, talk to a close friend, or get support from a professional. Prioritising your well-being will help you speak to your loved ones in a healthier and more compassionate way—both to yourself and to them.
Read: How to navigate infertility during the holidays
How to protect your emotional well-being at Christmas
It’s natural to feel vulnerable when you’re undergoing fertility treatments or IVF. That’s why setting boundaries is important. Not everyone will understand your journey, and that’s okay. You have the right to protect your emotional space and decide what you’re comfortable sharing.
Setting boundaries can be as simple as saying, “I’m not ready to talk about this right now”, or “I’d prefer not to discuss IVF during the holidays.” Communicate these boundaries with kindness and respect but also with firmness. People who care about you will understand you’re doing what’s best for your mental health.
If you’re in a situation where someone asks a question that feels too intrusive, it’s okay to redirect the conversation. Try saying, “I know you mean well, but this is a private matter, and I’m not ready to talk about it.” Or, if you’re comfortable, you could share just enough to help them understand without going into the specifics.
Sharing your fertility journey at holiday gatherings
Talking about IVF and your fertility treatment doesn’t have to be an ordeal. It’s about finding the right words and helping others understand your situation. There’s no need to give a detailed explanation, but sharing a bit of your story can help create empathy and understanding.
Start by acknowledging the difficulty of the situation, especially around the holidays, by saying, “We’ve been on a long journey with (IVF/specific fertility treatment), and it’s been tough. It’s something we’re still working through.” This opens the door to more honest conversations.
You can also educate those around you about IVF or the treatment you are on. Let them know how it’s impacting you, physically and emotionally, and what it’s like to go through this process. A simple explanation can help your family and friends understand why you might feel a certain way or need to take breaks during gatherings.
Read: How to support your partner during fertility treatments
How to navigate difficult conversations
There will be moments when you simply don’t have the emotional energy to explain your fertility journey or discuss IVF. That’s perfectly okay. Sometimes, it’s better to let the silence speak for itself or ask for a break from the conversation. Try saying, “I’m not up for talking about this right now, but I appreciate your understanding.”
Give yourself permission to set these boundaries and prioritise your emotional health. Asking for space and support from your loved ones is important in managing your well-being.
Get support from those who understand
Whether it’s a close friend, a supportive family member, or a professional counsellor, seeking help when you need it has never been more important. These people can offer compassion and understanding while providing emotional stability during the holiday season.
There are plenty of support groups available for those going through IVF and other fertility treatments. Organisations like ANZICA (Australia & New Zealand Infertility Counsellors Association) offer access to mental health professionals specialising in fertility support. There’s also online groups like Donor Egg Parents’ Support Group and Donor Conceived Australia (DCA), which provide safe spaces to connect with others on a similar journey.
If you’re looking for support on your fertility journey, Central Egg Bank is here to guide you with no waiting list and a compassionate, understanding approach to egg donation. Contact us for more information about how we can help you build the family you’ve always dreamed of.
