The holiday season is a joyful time for many, but if you’re facing infertility, it can also feel like an emotional obstacle course. This time of year often centres around family and togetherness, which can – unintentionally – bring feelings of loss or isolation to light.
For those still on their path to parenthood, reminders of their infertility—whether through family gatherings, holiday cards featuring children, or well-meaning but intrusive questions— make it a challenging time.
In this blog, we’ll share how you can cope with infertility during the holidays and give practical advice on setting healthy boundaries. By understanding the challenges and preparing for them, you can have a sense of control—and hopefully, you may even find moments of happiness.
How to cope with infertility during the holidays
The holidays are a bittersweet time for those trying to conceive for a long time. While gatherings can bring joy, they may also be painful reminders of what feels absent. Family-centred questions and well-meaning but intrusive inquiries, such as “When will you have children?” are emotionally taxing for those navigating IVF.
The infamous question, “When are you going to have kids?” or suggestions like, “Have you tried IVF or XYZ to get pregnant?” add stress to an already sensitive situation. One way to prepare for these interactions is by crafting responses that help you respond calmly rather than impulsively. For example:
- “We’re working on it and will share good news when we’re ready. How’s [change topic]?”
- “That’s a sensitive topic right now, so I’d prefer we talk about something else.”
Practising responses, such as “We’re working with medical professionals and exploring our options with IVF,” or simply, “That’s something personal we’re not discussing right now,” will help you manage these situations gracefully and preserve your peace of mind.
And remember, it’s okay to change the subject or set boundaries to protect your emotional well-being.
Read: How to manage emotional challenges if using donor eggs.
4 tips for managing emotions and setting boundaries
Tip #1 Make a plan for opening holiday cards
Holiday cards often feature photos of children and growing families, which are painful reminders of what you don’t have. Try collecting these cards and opening them with a partner or friend who understands your feelings. Some find comfort in tackling this task as a team, adding a bit of humour to ease the sadness.
Remember to practice self-compassion during this time—it’s natural to feel a mix of emotions.
Tip #2: Host instead of being a guest
Hosting a gathering yourself allows you to set the tone and focus the event on something other than family. Or, if you’re attending others’ events, establish an ‘escape clause.’ Planning a reason to leave early provides a sense of control and eases the pressure to stay in uncomfortable situations.
Tip #3: Decide together what to share
Setting boundaries is a must when protecting your emotional health. You don’t need to share all the details about your fertility journey. A simple explanation, like “We’re currently exploring IVF and other options,” allows you to retain privacy while keeping well-meaning loved ones informed.
Tip 4: Acknowledge pain without showing it
If you want to acknowledge your experience while staying present, consider saying, “It’s been a challenging year, but we’re happy to be here celebrating with all of you.” This approach allows you to be honest without going into too much detail.
Start new holiday traditions
Creating new holiday traditions helps bring warmth, positivity, and a sense of purpose to this special time of year. Best of all, the traditions you start now will become treasured foundations for the family you’ll build in the future.
Start your new traditions this year by:
- Volunteering at your local nursing home—Giving back by supporting seniors in nursing homes or visiting them in hospitals gives something back to those who need it most while giving you hope.
- Spending time with close friends – Host a cosy gathering with friends. It could be as simple as inviting them over for pizza and games or hosting a holiday movie night.
- Making it a couple’s holiday – Spend quiet, quality time with your partner, focusing on each other and your shared dreams for the future. Consider making a vision board or journaling about your hopes as a way to set positive intentions for the new year.
Find a support network
Connecting with others who understand your infertility journey makes a world of difference. Support networks, whether local groups or online communities provide encouragement and understanding.
Partner support
Share your thoughts and concerns with your partner. Planning responses to intrusive questions or taking turns fielding inquiries reduces the pressure and helps you feel supported.
Friends and family
Spend time with friends who are empathetic to your experience. Opt for gatherings with friends who are less likely to ask about children or family plans.
Counselling and support groups
Consider reaching out to a therapist, especially if you’re feeling overwhelmed. Organisations like ANZICA (Australia & New Zealand Infertility Counsellors Association) offer access to mental health professionals specialising in fertility support.
You can also reach out to online groups like Donor Egg Parents’ Support Group and Donor Conceived Australia (DCA), which provide safe spaces to connect with others on a similar journey.
While challenging, the holiday season is only temporary. With a bit of planning, self-compassion, and support, you can find moments of peace and even joy amid the holiday buzz.
We understand that fertility journeys are personal and sometimes overwhelming. IVF and donor egg programs provide new opportunities to build the family you’ve envisioned, and we’re here to guide you every step of the way. So, if you’re considering the option of donor eggs, Central Egg Bank is here to support you with programs tailored to your needs.
As the new year approaches, keep hope alive and focus on the possibilities. You deserve a supportive, compassionate team by your side, and Central Egg Bank is here to be that partner in your journey. Contact us to learn how we can help you build your family in the new year.
